Why, Yet Held

Why do the brightest lights seem to fade first?
Why do the gentlest souls…
carry the heaviest pain?
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These are the questions that don’t leave us…

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Why is it that the brightest lights seem to fade first? Why do the gentlest souls—the ones who love the deepest, give the most, and carry quiet strength—so often face the heaviest blows, the diagnoses that change everything, and the endings that come far too soon? These are the questions that linger in the quiet, unanswered and unanswerable. They echo in hospital hallways, in late-night prayers, in the spaces that are left behind. Perhaps there are some questions that are not meant to be solved, only felt. And while I may never understand the why… I have come to hold tightly to the WHO.

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Why is it that the prayers we cry out the hardest—the ones spoken through tears and desperation, the ones for healing, for the people we love—sometimes seem to go unanswered? It can feel like silence… like absence. But what if it isn’t? What if God’s love has never been measured by outcomes? What if even here—in the waiting, in the pain—you are still deeply loved, still seen, still held?
So what if healing never comes on this side of heaven? I’ve wrestled with that… sat in it longer than I ever wanted to. And somewhere in the middle of my pain, something shifted: God has all eternity to heal me—completely, perfectly, without end. And for the first time, I realized… I can wait for that, if I have to. So choose faith, yes, but anchor it differently. Anchor it not in outcomes but in the unshakable truth that God will never leave you or forsake you. There will never be instant fixes for all of life’s losses, its diagnoses, or its endings. But if you allow Jesus to meet you in the storm, it will not always stop it, because sometimes He just steadies your soul within it. And know that when you are too weary to stand, that is when He carries you. 
So even as you whisper, "Why?"… let Him hold you. One moment at a time.

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Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” -Deuteronomy 31:8 

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​With compassion,
Kamilia Watson