I Let Go
On the day that my sister went to be in the arms of the Lord, I felt strangely different. I was lying on my couch in San Antonio TX, while she was laying in her bed in Lawton, Oklahoma dying, or rather should I say, coming to life, as I was being visited by the presence of the Lord. It was a warning to me that I would not make it there in time to see my sister Kashanta, one last time before she went home to be with the Lord. You see, I was all prepared to drive up but was hindered by unforeseen circumstances. To say that I was very upset would be a grave understatement. As I lay on the couch impatiently waiting for my situation to change, I was comforted by a touch. It was as if I could hear my sister saying “Milia everything is going to be okay and I promise you that I am alright”. No, it wasn’t an audible voice, it was just something that I felt deep down in the depths of my soul.
When I was finally able to get on the road to make the six and a half hour trip to arrive at my mother’s house, where my sister was on hospice, my mom looked at me with deep sadness and regret for me and said “you just missed her by about 10 minutes”. I wanted to scream with everything in me, but at that very second my voice had become momentarily mute. I slowly walked down the hall with my heart in my throat. As I crossed the threshold into my sister’s room to see her lying in bed so beautiful, looking as if all she was doing was resting, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this feeling of peace. This might surprise you, but I was like “Really God”! I want to be angry with you right now and you won’t even let me be that”! Do not get me wrong, yes I was sad that my sister’s body was lifeless, but I also knew that her spirit was in the presence of the Lord, which meant that her body would never be ravaged by the pain that cancer had caused her ever again.
I walked over, kissed my sister Kashanta on the cheek and sat down beside the bed and laid my head on her, and stayed there for what seemed like forever and then I let go. I was only able to let go because I was confident based on what 2 Corithians 5:8 said: to be absent from the body meant that my sister was now present with the Lord, but only because she died in Christ. Although my weeping endured for the night(my night lasted several days) joy was able to follow in the morning. I’ve learned that grief doesn’t have a time stamp, sometimes the emotions still ebb and flow to this day, but I have experienced the joy of the Lord. Joy:is a feeling of good pleasure and happiness that is dependent on who Jesus is rather than on who we are or what is happening around us. Joy comes from the Holy Spirit, abiding in God's presence, and from hope in His word. Remember no matter what you are facing in this life, there is always a brighter tomorrow and renewed strength and joy in Christ Jesus
-Kamilia Sims Watson
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