You can do everything right—plan carefully and live responsibly—but still get blindsided by news that changes everything. No one really prepares you for that moment when life interrupts your sense of control and replaces it with fear, questions, and uncertainty.
So what do you do when the diagnosis comes? When your body feels like a battleground and your thoughts won’t quiet down?







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Friend, you’re allowed to feel it—the fear, the anger, the deep, aching sadness. There is nothing weak about struggling under something this heavy. And even though people love you, there will be moments when they just don’t fully understand. Their words may fall short, and that can leave you feeling incredibly lonely. But even there—in that quiet, unseen place—you are not alone.

Did you know that hope doesn’t have to be a fragile feeling? Hope is a person, and that person is Jesus. In Jesus, that hope doesn’t disappear when things don’t change the way you want them to. He stays. He meets you right in the middle of it, breathing peace into moments that feel unbearable. When the noise around you quiets and the future feels uncertain, where do you turn for something steady enough to hold you?

This doesn’t mean your pain will suddenly go away. Some days will still be really hard. But there’s a difference between suffering alone and suffering with someone who sees you, who understands, and who doesn’t walk away. There is a kind of peace that doesn’t depend on your circumstances—a peace that can steady your heart even in the middle of the storm.
Even if things don’t change the way you hope they will, could there still be a deeper peace waiting for you right there in it?

Your circumstances may not shift right away. Your body may still hurt. But your perspective—anchored in hope—can begin to change. And sometimes, that’s the very thing that carries you through the next moments.

And for now, that’s enough...

With Love and Compassion
Kamilia Watson

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Why do the brightest lights seem to fade first?
Why do the gentlest souls…
carry the heaviest pain?
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These are the questions that don’t leave us…

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Why is it that the brightest lights seem to fade first? Why do the gentlest souls—the ones who love the deepest, give the most, and carry quiet strength—so often face the heaviest blows, the diagnoses that change everything, and the endings that come far too soon? These are the questions that linger in the quiet, unanswered and unanswerable. They echo in hospital hallways, in late-night prayers, in the spaces that are left behind. Perhaps there are some questions that are not meant to be solved, only felt. And while I may never understand the why… I have come to hold tightly to the WHO.

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Why is it that the prayers we cry out the hardest—the ones spoken through tears and desperation, the ones for healing, for the people we love—sometimes seem to go unanswered? It can feel like silence… like absence. But what if it isn’t? What if God’s love has never been measured by outcomes? What if even here—in the waiting, in the pain—you are still deeply loved, still seen, still held?
So what if healing never comes on this side of heaven? I’ve wrestled with that… sat in it longer than I ever wanted to. And somewhere in the middle of my pain, something shifted: God has all eternity to heal me—completely, perfectly, without end. And for the first time, I realized… I can wait for that, if I have to. So choose faith, yes, but anchor it differently. Anchor it not in outcomes but in the unshakable truth that God will never leave you or forsake you. There will never be instant fixes for all of life’s losses, its diagnoses, or its endings. But if you allow Jesus to meet you in the storm, it will not always stop it, because sometimes He just steadies your soul within it. And know that when you are too weary to stand, that is when He carries you. 
So even as you whisper, "Why?"… let Him hold you. One moment at a time.

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Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” -Deuteronomy 31:8 

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If this post spoke to you, share it or write to us.
​With compassion,
Kamilia Watson

​WHEN GOD MADE MAN, HE GOT DOWN IN THE DIRT AND FORMED HIM WITH HIS HANDS. SCRIPTURE REMINDS US IN PSALMS 8:4-8 THAT GOD IS MINDFUL OF US AND THAT HE CARES FOR US. THAT LETS ME KNOW THAT THERE IS NO MESS THAT I CAN'T BRING TO MY MAKER. GOD IS USING THE DIRT IN MY LIFE TO MINISTER TO OTHERS. HE CAN DO THE SAME WITH YOURS, IF YOU LET HIM. ALL OUR LIVES BECOME MESSY, BUT GOD WANTS US TO REMEMBER WE ARE CREATED IN HIS IMAGE. TAKE YOUR MESS, PUT IT IN THE HANDS OF THE FATHER AND ALLOW HIM TO PAINT A BEAUTIFUL PICTURE. IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, BUT LET THE ARTIST DO WHAT HE DOES BEST AND CREATE A MASTERPIECE OUT OF YOUR LIFE. JEREMIAH 31:3 SAYS THAT GOD LOVES US WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE AND THAT HE DRAWS US WITH AN UNFAILING KINDNESS.

I WROTE A SONG A FEW YEARS AGO. THE LYRICS REALLY MINISTERED TO MY LIFE IN THE MOMENT.  AS I AM REMINDED OF THOSE WORDS, MY SOUL IS BLESSED ALL OVER AGAIN. I WOULD NOW LIKE TO SHARE SOME OF THOSE WORDS WITH YOU:"WHEN MY LIFE WAS A MESS, YOU CAME TO RESCUE ME. MY SOUL WAS HEAVY AND I BARELY COULD BREATHE. I WAS FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE WITH THE ENEMY. MY FAITH WAS GONE. IT HAD RUN DRY, BUT I KNEW SOMEHOW IF I COULD LOOK UP TO THE SKY, MY REDEMPTION WAS DRAWING CLOSER, MY REDEMPTION WAS DRAWING NEAR, IF GOD IS BEFORE ME, WHAT CAN STAND AGAINST ME, IN WHOM SHALL I FEAR?" ALTHOUGH THOSE WERE NOT THE ONLY WORDS TO THE SONG, IT WAS ENOUGH FOR MY SOUL TO REJOICE. OUR MESSES OUR NOT FINAL. GOD CAN TURN EACH ONE INTO A MESSAGE. TODAY DEAR FRIEND, MY PRAYER IS THAT YOU WILL REMEMBER WHENEVER YOUR LIFE IS A MESS, YOU CAN GO INTO THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD AND ALLOW HIM TO RESCUE YOU.

If God says, in our weakness, His strength is made perfect and that His grace is sufficient for us (Reference 2 Corinthians 12), why don’t we always feel that way? I’ll let you in on a little secret. It is because we are human, and God is always perfect because He is infinitely not, human that is. I like the way one person puts it in their devotion:” God is perfect in every way, giving Him the power to make up for any weaknesses we have”. Today, the Lord impressed upon my heart to share with you and me that it is okay for us to lean into our weaknesses. My daddy often quoted scripture from 1 Corinthians 15:10: But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain… Meaning no matter what season of life we are in, God’s grace is given to us for a reason to cover each and every weakness.

You might be thinking right now, “ I have a plethora of weaknesses though’. That is all right, we serve a big God, with massive shoulders. I firmly believe that in Christ it would be a detriment to my physical and spiritual health to not accept the grace that God sent His son Jesus to die to give me when I need it. We all get weak and I would go further than that and say that sometimes there are some of us who struggle with being weak most of the time. You may be wondering why God is saying that it is okay for us to lean into our weaknesses. I know I was at the beginning of God laying this encouraging word on my heart. Right now let me eliminate some of the reasons why it is not okay to lean into our weaknesses: 1. To make excuses for where you are 2. To find reasons not to change 3. To take advantage of God’s grace 4. To simply give up on life 5.; To deny your purpose. Now, these are definitely not all of the reasons these are just some that came to mind right away. The Holy Spirit let me know that when we are in Christ and we lean into our weaknesses we are leaning directly into Him.

Cast every burden on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Lean not on your own understanding but in all thy ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path (Proverbs 3:5-6). So keep leaning into the one who is perfect. Some of you may feel like you have already been doing this and nothing good seems to be happening. To that, I say do not quit, don’t lose hope, and don’t give up faith. For in quitting you will surely lose. In the moments where you are the weakest just lean into his everlasting arms for comfort, grace, strength, endurance, fortitude, hope, peace, or whatever it is that you need in the moment or your season. If you do not see things manifest right away, and even if it doesn’t come to pass the way we think things should, God is always orchestrating things in such a way that will develop our character along the way.

I will leave you with this thought today. Life may not always feel good, however, if I will lean into Christ during my weak moments I will slowly but surely begin to develop my spiritual muscles. Thus I will develop muscular endurance and create muscle memory when life hits me with its greatest attacks because it will. In those moments we have to rest assured that there is a champion in our corner cheering us on! He is preparing us for the final countdown so that ultimately we can see His face and hear well done thy good and faithful servant. You endured until the end. May God bless you and keep you. Remember, He's always good! - Kamilia Watson

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On the day that my sister went to be in the arms of the Lord, I felt strangely different. I was lying on my couch in San Antonio TX, while she was laying in her bed in Lawton, Oklahoma dying, or rather should I say, coming to life, as I was being visited by the presence of the Lord. It was a warning to me that I would not make it there in time to see my sister Kashanta, one last time before she went home to be with the Lord. You see, I was all prepared to drive up but was hindered by unforeseen circumstances. To say that I was very upset would be a grave understatement. As I lay on the couch impatiently waiting for my situation to change, I was comforted by a touch. It was as if I could hear my sister saying “Milia everything is going to be okay and I promise you that I am alright”. No, it wasn’t an audible voice, it was just something that I felt deep down in the depths of my soul.

When I was finally able to get on the road to make the six and a half hour trip to arrive at my mother’s house, where my sister was on hospice, my mom looked at me with deep sadness and regret for me and said “you just missed her by about 10 minutes”. I wanted to scream with everything in me, but at that very second my voice had become momentarily mute. I slowly walked down the hall with my heart in my throat. As I crossed the threshold into my sister’s room to see her lying in bed so beautiful, looking as if all she was doing was resting, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this feeling of peace. This might surprise you, but I was like “Really God”! I want to be angry with you right now and you won’t even let me be that”! Do not get me wrong, yes I was sad that my sister’s body was lifeless, but I also knew that her spirit was in the presence of the Lord, which meant that her body would never be ravaged by the pain that cancer had caused her ever again.

I walked over, kissed my sister Kashanta on the cheek and sat down beside the bed and laid my head on her, and stayed there for what seemed like forever and then I let go. I was only able to let go because I was confident based on what 2 Corithians 5:8 said: to be absent from the body meant that my sister was now present with the Lord, but only because she died in Christ. Although my weeping endured for the night(my night lasted several days) joy was able to follow in the morning. I’ve learned that grief doesn’t have a time stamp, sometimes the emotions still ebb and flow to this day, but I have experienced the joy of the Lord. Joy:is a feeling of good pleasure and happiness that is dependent on who Jesus is rather than on who we are or what is happening around us. Joy comes from the Holy Spirit, abiding in God's presence, and from hope in His word. Remember no matter what you are facing in this life, there is always a brighter tomorrow and renewed strength and joy in Christ Jesus 
-Kamilia Sims Watson

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On the morning of June 11, 2015, I prayed the most difficult prayer of my entire life. My request: Lord please heal our daughter, KaShanta or take her home to be with You because I can no longer stand to watch her suffer. I'd grown weary of telling her to hold on. She fought such and excellent fight! So much happened to my princess; I just wanted her to be pain-free at this point. She did better as long as she knew I was in close proximity. In the emergency room, she suffered more because they reversed the effects of the drugs in her system and woke up all the pain. I had to tell them to give her oxygen back. Most were very sensitive - absolutely wonderful.   A few were not. 

I felt so guilty and regretted ever calling the ambulance for several reasons. We were not supposed to call them because she was on hospice, but her Dad insisted because it was so disturbing for both of us. Her body was still warm but she struggled to breathe and was making a strange - but familiar sound. However, we were unable to arouse her.

When Pastor Lisa arrived at the emergency room, I stood in the corner, because I did not want Shan to know I was crying. I felt as if the only thing holding me together was my skin. She never knew that I released her to the Lord during that time, because I didn't want her to think that I could ever give up on her. When the nurse was finally able to give her narcotics to dull the pain again, (seemed like forever and a day) they sent her back home via ambulance. I was happy to be going back home.

The last words I heard Shan scream were, "Stop, stop, stop!" to the attendants because she thought they were taking her oxygen again. My voice comforted her as I explained that they were only exchanging the oxygenators. That settled her, but she never opened her eyes again nor said another word - ever. I put in a video that we liked with uplifting gospel songs and wiped her tears. I could not stay in the room this time - just constantly went in and out. I knew she was leaving and could not stand to watch it.

When I told her a few hours later that her sister-momma, (Milia) was on her way with her girls from San Antonio, she turned her head in my direction in response. I could tell it made her very happy.  Shan wanted to look pretty for her daughters - never wanted them to see her looking undone. I only had to carefully braid the front edges of her beautiful and easy grade of thick hair. I put a little gloss on her lips and told her how beautiful she was. I could just hear her saying, "Mama, you are so biased." "Perhaps; but others agreed with me" - was always my response to that statement. The girls and Milia (through no-fault of her own), were ten minutes too late. I saw no more breaths taken after 7:50 p.m that Thursday so I called Milia to see where they were. They had just pulled up. Milia was the first in and was greeted by her dad and I at the door. She knew from the look on my face that something was wrong so she grabbed me by the hand. I was hoping that she could arouse Shan by her voice. It didn't happen. I regretted that they were unable to say good-bye though.

I rehearsed the above to escort you to this point. Shan's friend, Silke in Germany had a dream that day, which was filled with so many dynamics. Silke and I became friends when Ashlynn, my granddaughter was a toddler and Shan's family was residing in Germany. Silke was a most trusted babysitter. Ashlynn and I spent a lot of time at their place because of Shan's long hours working in security. They are so very dear to us.

This was sent to me by Silke's sister, Petra, another dear German friend:  "The morning when I called Silke to tell her about KaShanta's transition, I had woken her up. Silke usually doesn't remember her dreams. But since I had just woken her up, she did remember. She dreamt that she saw you (Patrick) and KaShanta in a beautiful garden with lots of beautiful red apples - there were just a few spoiled ones. The way I imagined the scene from what Silke told me, it was a very green garden with all these apple trees. You and KaShanta told Silke not to be sad that 'all will be ok' but never got around to say why because I woke her up. I was flabbergasted when I heard about Silke's dream. It was really right before I woke her up to give her the sad news." 

KaShanta loved the outdoors, flowers, gardens, nature...  She would have called this 'comfort in the midst of pain,' a God-wink.  

'All is well' (same as 'all will be ok' stated above) are three of the words that the Lord gave to me in 2012 when we found out about the HER2 Triple Negative breast cancer diagnosis.  She is well and we will be okay.  Our daughter has completed her walk through the valley of death and when it  casts its ugly shadow, the Son of God is always there to shine the warmth of his love on us.  

Your donations to The KaShanta Sims Foundation are greatly appreciated!  

When you purchase a copy of the book below, we will donate $2 to The KaShanta Sims Foundation.